Benjamin David Simon
Vision: Developing. Mission: Clear.
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Tiny Human deployed to production.
Focused on growth metrics. Literally.
“Very loud, but effective.” – Mom
“Shows great potential.” – Dad
About
Benjamin recently entered the world with a clear mission:
Drive results (and parents) around the clock
Optimize nap and snack schedules
Innovate in the field of peekaboo engagement
Core Competencies
Strategic crying deployment
Rapid milk‑to‑sleep conversion
Agile diaper disruption management
Experience
Chief Drool Officer (2025 – present)
Implemented high‑volume drool production, exceeding quarterly projections.Nap Strategist (2025 – present)
Spearheaded irregular but impactful nap schedules, often without warning.
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